


The Stardew Hero

by red_rook



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, References to Depression, read this when you're in a shit mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 01:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14905880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_rook/pseuds/red_rook
Summary: The player thought her marriage to Maru would be perfect. She thought it would last forever. But times change, and love fades. Eventually, there's only one way left to save Maru, and the player isn't sure if she's hero enough to do it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after a breakup so that's basically why it's so angsty

It was when Maru began to have more and more bad days that she noticed it. 

Han had always loved to watch her, with those keen quirky eyes that Maru had fallen in love with. But, as the days where Maru felt too empty to leave their bed increased, Han’s gaze changed from one of fascination to a darker emotion that Maru could not quite pinpoint.

One day, out of the blue, Han asked Maru, “Would you like to go stargazing tonight? I’ve cleared my schedule and I prepared some preserves. Strawberry, your favorite.”

Maru of course answered with an enthusiastic yes (and a kiss). That night, they held hands and watched ashy gray clouds drift aimlessly across a navy sky, shrouding the stars. Maru pointed out every constellation as well as she could, making little mental notes to add to her astronomy notes in the future.

“Ever since I married you- no, before that- the stars have started to remind me of you,” Maru told her wife in a soft voice. Even though the only company they had was chirping crickets, Maru felt a need to be solemn. Han smiled at her, a real smile, the kind she reserved only for her wife. 

“I love you,” she replied. Maru rested her head on her shoulder, their hands intertwined. And for a few precious moments, Maru felt whole.

The first time she snapped at Han, it was early in the morning and Maru had felt suddenly, unreasonably, frustrated at nothing in particular. 

“Don’t you have work to do?” she’d said sharply to Han. Han visibly flinched, and looked so hurt that Maru could almost see the injury her words had made. She’d felt horrible about it right afterward, of course, but it was too late. Han had disappeared out the door, and ended up not returning til after Maru had fallen asleep.

Left alone in the house, Maru had thought about her wife. How Han was well-built, and tall, and frankly a little intimidating to most, but the first word that came to mind when Maru was reminded of Han was  _ soft.  _ Because Han had never once raised a hand against her, never raised her voice, given her everything she had and would gladly do it over and over. 

Sometimes Maru wished they fought. Wished that Han would yell at her, find fault with her, insult her. Maybe if they did, it would make her feel less.. empty. 

On a cool fall day, Han asked her if she was happy.

“What?”

“Are you happy?” Han repeated. Her expression was curiously blank.

“Of course I’m happy,” Maru replied, smiling. “I’m with you, after all. What else could I want?”

“A future. A PhD. Your own observatory. A job in the government as an innovator. Something more than just being a farmer’s wife.” Han was looking at her intently now. 

“You are my future, Han,” Maru responded. “I’m in love with you and that’s never going to change.” And it was true. The encroaching emptiness hadn’t eroded her love for her wife in the slightest. Han had not changed, and neither had Maru’s love for her.

“I love you too,” Han responded. “You know I would do anything for you, right? I’d give you my everything, and I’d do it over and over again.”

“I know,” Maru had said. A confession like this would have evoked excitement and happiness and a million kisses, but.. she knew. She already knew the bounds of Han’s love, she had walked along its boundaries and limits. 

She was more preoccupied with what Han had said beforehand. Because now, that nameless emptiness Maru was drifting in had a name. 

“Let’s have a kid,” Maru announced to her wife one night as they lay in bed.

“No,” Han responded without missing a beat.

Maru was slightly dumbfounded. This was the first time Han had ever refused her something. “I think it could help our marriage. I think we both need more love in our life. We could love a child together.”

“It would help our marriage,” Han agreed. “Unfortunately, I simply don’t have the resources to keep a child happy and healthy. We’d have to wait a couple more years.”

Maru was struck with a pang of bitterness. Before she had married Han, her dad had reminded her: ‘You’re making a choice to live poorer than what you’re used to, and frankly, poorer than what I expected to see you grow up as. Do you really, truly, believe that this is worth it?”

“I do,” Maru had said. 

“I do,” Maru echoed now. She felt her wife shift under the blanket to face away from her, and sighed.

Maru had recently been spending more and more time with Penny. They talked about mindless ennui day in, day out, and the chatter kept Maru’s mind busy enough so that she could focus on anything but the coldness. 

Han had caught her one day holding hands with Penny. It had been a casual, platonic moment, but Han’s eyes had narrowed and she’d done an about-face on her horse. Maru considered chasing after Han as she rode the opposite direction, but knew that Han did best by herself when she was upset. 

Penny had looked to her, concerned. “Is everything alright between you two?”

“Yes,” Maru had answered quickly. “Everything is just fine.”

Maru had often reassured her wife that she wasn’t bored, and that she loved the house they lived in. Something in her tone must have changed, though, because when she reminded Han that she loved this simple life Han shook her head. 

“You know I love you, right?” Han asked gently.

“I love you too.”

“Sometimes when you truly love something, you have to let it go.” Han was staring at the ground, at anything but her wife.  
“...What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to tell you that love is a cliche, and at the same time it’s not. Sometimes love isn’t enough to fix everything. Even if both of us love each other, it’s not enough. Sometimes love you thought would last forever fades over years and years of the same routines over and over. Sometimes, even though it fucking hurts like a bitch, you have to learn when to cut loose.”

“Cut loose? Han, are you saying-”

“I’m saying that you’re perfect for me. In every way. Your laugh is what gets me up in the morning. Your nerdiness is the most adorable thing I’ve ever witnessed. I feel safe in your arms. But I’m not perfect for you. You need.. better.. than me.”

“And since when do you get to decide what I need and don’t need, huh?” Maru felt herself tensing up. She’d been waiting for this. “I’m a grown woman, and I think I can decide that myself. You don’t get to pull this ‘it’s not you, it’s me’  _ bullshit _ and walk out on us. You made a vow!”

“I can pull all the bullshit I want, because I know you’re depressed, Maru! I know it’s my fucking fault. I know that you’re ambitious, and intelligent, and I’m just a former city slicker who gave up on the life that you want to pursue. I have no right to keep you- to keep you caged here.”

“I’m not here against my will, am I? I can walk out any damn time I want to. Just- just please shut up. This isn’t like you.”

Han opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. Maru clutched Han’s shirt in her fist, pulling her toward herself into a hungry kiss. Automatically Han’s hands glided downwards, over the slope of Maru’s back, below. And Maru  _ felt.  _ She felt pain, anger, passion, love, sadness, a million other things at once.

She kept the emptiness at bay, just for one night.


	2. Chapter 2

They signed the divorce papers a week later. Han couldn’t bring herself to look at her ex, when once she was fascinated by her lips, her eyes, her hair, every curve and corner. 

Maru had fought her every step of the way, at first, but after a while dully followed protocol. Han watched Maru as she moved out all her belongings. She’d offered to help, but Maru had slapped away her outstretched hand.

“I still love you,” Han said, a little brokenly, as Maru opened the door to leave for the last time. Maru didn’t turn around, but stopped. 

“You have no right to say that,” she responded. “You ruined us.” It was curious how calm she was now, when before she’d been raging, furious, passionate.

“I- I know. I just- I felt like you might want to hear it. I didn’t do this because I stopped loving you.”

“Well, I wish I didn’t hear it. In fact, I wish I could erase my memory of the past four years and wake up from all this like it was a bad dream.” Maru stepped out, without a glance back, and slammed the door. Han was left staring at the closed door. She didn’t move from that position for hours. 

Han busied herself with quests. Slaying monsters. Being a hero. Every time she won, or killed, she felt a rush that overcame the pain festering deep inside of her. Whenever she came home with gold, she forgot about the loneliness. She didn’t cry herself to sleep. At long last, Han got to the Witch’s Swamp, reveling in her victory. 

Examining the shrines, Han noticed one that bored into her memory: the Dark Shrine of Memory. For only 30,000 gold she could make Maru forget about those four years all together. Why did the thought of that bring her so much hope?

She felt herself reaching out.. but at the last minute turned and left, at a running pace, her head pounding. 

Han wanted Maru so  _ badly.  _ She missed her laugh, and her eyes, and her nose, and her lips, her coffee-colored skin, her space facts, how she always smelled just a little like grease from all her projects. She missed Maru telling her how she loved her. She missed her. 

But she reminded herself that she was a hero. Heroes sacrifice themselves for the greater good. And the greater good in this situation was Maru waking up without the emptiness. Maru feeling whole again. Maru chasing after her dreams, like she always was meant to. And forcing Maru back into her life would undo the meaning of all the suffering Han had went through. 

No, this was for the best. And Han’s decision was only affirmed, because when she celebrated that night at the Saloon she heard that Maru had left Stardew Valley to study under a professor in Zuzu City. 

Han had done right by her. Nothing now could convince her otherwise. 

The next few months were spent in dark places, where Han could make deals with the shadow brute Krobus. After one particularly heated discussion over an omni geode, Krobus had hissed at her, “You humans  _ always  _ think you’re in the right, don’t you? Well, spoiler alert, you’re not! Everyone is a hero in their own story, you think you’re the only one? The deal you’re trying to cut me would bankrupt me!”

Han had frozen at that. She’d ended up taking Krobus’s price. She reasoned that it had been the fumes of the sewer getting to her, but deep down she knew it wasn’t. 

_ Everyone is a hero in their own story. _

But it was too late now. Her ex was long gone. And even if she weren’t, Han had still not forgotten those hollow eyes, the days where Maru never left the bed. She would never be the cause of Maru’s pain again. The important thing was that she was happy now.

Two seasons later, Han was out on her horse to forage for grapes. Maru would have loved this weather, she thought. It was so warm and peaceful. 

Then she saw a dark head in those distinctive blue overalls, and nearly ran into her with her horse. She stopped just in time, yanking on the reins a little too hard. Her horse reared up and she nearly fell off. Maru seemed to enjoy Han’s moment of panic, smiling ever so slightly. 

“What- what brings you here..?” Han stammered out. 

“Hello to you too. Han.” Maru narrowed her eyes. “I decided to return to Stardew Valley.”

“Why?” This hadn’t been part of Han’s visions for the future.

“None of your business. Now, can you let me pass, or are you going to decide that for me too?” Maru’s words should have been biting, but instead Han just felt numb. She allowed her ex to pass, turning on her horse to watch as she walked away. 

At the saloon later at night, Han sat by herself in the corner, nursing a mug of beer. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, and rebuffed Emily’s attempts at conversation. She listened to drops of conversation here and there. Lewis was chatting up Marnie because of course he was, while Clint and Pierre were having a heated discussion about blueberries. Life was as it should be.

Then Maru and Penny walked in. Han had never seen Maru at the saloon before; she didn’t much care for the taste of alcohol and her parents were always there, making it ‘weird’. Han shifted so that Maru wouldn’t be able to see her face or recognize her. The two were in deep discussion.

“I still don’t understand, though,” Penny was saying. “The prof sounds nice. Why did you come back? I thought you were going to start over.”  

“Because I can’t do astronomy. And I can’t do robotics either,” Maru answered flatly. “I was of no use to the prof, so I quit.”

“What do you mean you can’t do those things? You’re a genius! You built that robot- MarILDA, right?”

“Yes, that’s precisely the problem. Because every time when I’m there, working on programming, or I even touch a wrench, or I look out at the sky from the observatory, I think of  _ her.  _ We would watch the stars together. She used to love watching me tinker. Hell, she was there when I released MarILDA. How am I supposed to enjoy my work when, everything I do, I see  _ her _ ?”

“I’m sure, over time, you’ll forget her.”

“I can’t.” Maru’s voice hitched slightly. “Penny, I.. I still love her. That’s not going to change any time soon. As much as I want to hate her, I just can’t. She meant everything to me, and you can’t just erase that.” She laughed, hollowly. “There’s no ending anywhere in which I’m happy.”

Han snuck out before she heard anything else. She couldn’t bear to listen to their conversation any longer. She felt wetness on her cheeks, and realized she was crying.

_ There’s no ending anywhere in which I’m happy. _

But there was one. Maybe Maru wouldn’t be happy, but she wouldn’t be empty. She could start over, and never know that any of this pain happened. Nobody else would, except Han. 

Maybe they would fall in love again. Maybe Maru would leave for the city and find solace in someone else’s arms. Maybe they would repeat these same mistakes and Han would be left twice-broken. 

There was only one way to find out. 

Han rode out at dusk the next day with the gold in hand. The sky above the Witch’s Swamp was murky, and she couldn’t see much. But there was one faint pinprick of light. It might have been (probably was) a plane, but Han pretended it was a star. She thought of Maru. How yet again, she was stealing the ability to choose from the woman she loved. 

But this time she knew it was for the best.

She hoped it was for the best.

She let the gold fall from her hands and closed her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I did not divorce Maru in my game or wipe her memory. #marubestgirl


End file.
